Written by Tania and read at Paulo´s memorial service. Bab, I can´t believe I am standing here today; this all seems like a terrible nightmare which I still have to awake from, although I am beginning to feel I never will. Only last week you were so nervous about reading at Simone and Mark´s wedding and now I am here reading this in front of all your family and friends, with so much pain and sorrow in my heart. I look around and see all your family and so many of your friends, both old and new, although I just keep searching for you amongst the crowd, but cannot find you. My pain is so deep, I cannot even begin to explain, I feel something has been torn away from me and I have been left to bleed. You were my shining star, which no longer shines, leaving me in the dark and frightened. You were my hero and my guardian angel, who when I was scared would embrace me in your arms and say “I will never leave you”, making me feel secure again and now you have left me alone frightened and insecure in this cold and fearful world. I still feel the touch of your skin, your smell, the sound of your voice and your beautiful smile, at every moment of everyday, but I am so scared to close my eyes in case I am not able to feel this again. Every second goes by and I miss you more and more and begin to wonder if you will ever come back to me. I do not know if I can carry on living without you, it feels like my life has come to an end. We had so many many plans for the future, especially now that our future was beginning to take place, but you parted too soon and didn´t allow these to take place. I always dreamt about being your wife, us growing old together and being the mother of your children, you would have been such a great father, all you have left me with is our dear godson, who you loved and cherished so dearly. It tears me apart because you left me so suddenly, leaving me unable to say my final goodbye. My head is spinning and I am feeling so much right now, I feel so, hurt, angry, confused, guilty and frightened and the only thing which is helping me stand here today is the true love I have for you and the strength which you always taught me and others to have. Words are not enough to describe you, you were special and unique in every way, one of those people who you only met once in a life time and I am grateful to God that I did, even for the so short time I did. I am grateful I was able to experience true and unconditional love with you and I feel privileged that you were my boyfriend and best friend. Everyone who met you feel in love with you instantly, you were so kind, so loving, so warm hearted, always willing to help everyone, with such energy and passion for life. You were so funny, always great to be around, always the centre of attention, whenever anyone was around you their would never be a dull moment, only laughter. Your biggest virtue was the strength you always had, always trying to achieve and fight for everything you wanted in life even if this meant going against all the odds, you always enjoyed a good challenged and adventure. Now all I have left is 8 years of good heartfelt memories which we had together, which are so so many, even the bad memories and fights which we may have had have turned into good memories. I am unable to tell you any specific time, as the list is so long, those of you who accompanied our great friendship and then relationship know there are hundreds. Who has witnessed our love always said we were meant for each other, especially all we went through to stay together, you are my soul mate, childhood sweetheart, my one and only love and my best friend. But I promise you I will try to stay strong, as you always taught me to and I will try, in fact “I will” as you always said, to achieve all that you wanted to but just didn’t have time. If you were here right now you would be telling me to smile, as what you loved most about me was my beautiful and constant smile. Our love was meant to be eternal and eternal it will be I love you, I have always loved you and will always love you till the day I die. I would like to believe you are here now looking over me and I hope that one day you are able to give me a sign. Wherever you are I hope you are at peace and waiting for me. I do not want to say goodbye, but see you soon, I will love you forever body, soul and mind. Your one and only love TAT xxx